Revenge-Season 2, Episode 2

Last time on Revenge-Victoria lives! Charlotte is in rehab, Emily is vindictive and Jack is as whiny and useless as ever!

And now: In a nice opening scene we see young Emily/Amanda driving with what we can only assume is her father, as seen in previous flashbacks but it turns out to be her mother. It's nice to see  that Emily has some memories of her mother, until her mother turns into Victoria who warns that before rebirth one must send a few days in hell. Emily wakes up from her nightmare by choking Nolan. Ha! Emily gets on the horn to Daniel who is cold-shouldering his new girlfriend and social climber, Ashley, who suggests he 'whack a few balls around' to make him feel better. No, Ashley, I think that's what you do to feel better.  Emily tells Daniel that she's done a 'google search' and learned that Charlotte's doctor has been keeping patients longer than necessary. Daniel proves that he too can google but thanks Emily for her call. Aww, I know these two were a 'fake' couple but it's obvious that they still have feelings for each other.

Meanwhile Charlotte gets questioned about her sanity. Does she think people are conspiring against her? Well they are, but, for goodness' sake Charlotte, don't tell that to your corrupt doctor. Yikes. Next thing you know we see Victoria and the evil white haired man. White haired man is handing out fake passports so that Victoria and Charlotte can flee the country. Unfortunately, Victoria is without money due to technically being dead, so white haired man takes off with Victoria's passport for 'security.' Emily ominously tells the camera that she is going to get revenge on Victoria for taking her mother by taking her (Victoria's) daughter. Meanwhile, over on depression boat, Declan is throwing stuff around when he is approached by a young man who asks him about Charlotte and tells them to join them on a drunken day trip to some place where there will be bikini clad girls. Declan declines after ranting about how he has to fix the bar so he can make money so he can go to college and for fuck's sake does he have to do everything around here?! Young man is all "yeesh" but some ominous music plays so he's definitely a bad guy of some sort.

At casa Emily and Nolan, Nolan's company is being audited, and Nolan is conferencing with his head honchos via webcam. Apparently he of the ambiguous sexuality doesn't know his employees names and is generally a bad boss. Also he doesn't like wearing pants. What a surprise.
Amanda approaches Emily saying that she had a one night stand but thinks the baby is Jack's, she loves him and thinks Emily could love her too if she tried. Emily says she will ensure the results come up as Jack's but she needs a favour too. Then she heads off to see Charlotte in rehab.

Surprise! (Not!)Ashley's working for Conrad and he asks her to distract Daniel since he (Daniel) has realised that all is not higgly piggly in the Grayson family bank account. Daniel has another concern at the moment  though. He once again proves he is the master of subtlety by storming Charlotte's rehab centre, yelling all the way. Unfortunately, Charlotte wants nothing to do with Daniel and Emily swoops in and whisks her away to see Victoria. First they have a detour to see Amanda though, since Emily rightly suspects that when Charlotte sees that her 'sister' is regnant she won't want to leave.  Charlotte says as much to Victoria and Emily cackles evilly as her plan unfolds. Charlotte goes all Jean Valjean and shows Victoria that she has stolen the finest silverware.  Victoria tells her that she doesn't love her (to protect her, you see!) and Charlotte runs back into Emily's arms.

Daniel (continuing his subtlety spree) storms his dad's meeting and calls him out for using Charlotte's trust fund. Then, in the best moment of the episode, Victoria calls Conrad and threatens to haunt him. Victoria pretending to be a ghost, and the look on Conrad's face, these are the reasons I watch this show. Conrad storms over to Victoria's house, claiming even the devil didn't want her. And one point goes to Conrad.

Meanwhile, has Nolan got a new (heterosexual) love interest? An employee of his, a very pretty girl with a suitable Indian name, shows up, saying he needs to hire a new leader for the company  Nolan doesn't agree, but he does agree to go to lunch with her after putting on some pants.

It's paternity test time! Amanda and Jack open the results and discover that it is his baby. He's overjoyed and she needs a Popsicle. Really, Amanda? I heard that that wasn't that fun when you're about ready to give birth but, hey, to each their own. While he is away she rings up Emily who tells her the baby really isn't his. Would she say if it was?

Daniel finds Charlotte about to become roommates with Nolan and Emily when he tells her that he has given her all his trust fund and that he wants to make his mom proud. I'm glad Daniel has finally decided to strap on a pair, even if he is sadly clueless to what is going on. Ashley, is not impressed however since money is her one true love and she will stab everyone and their cat in the back to get it.

Not to be outdone by Emily or the white haired man, Victoria beats herself up and chains herself to the radiator. When the white haired man comes a-calling she tells him he better get out of there ASAP since this is going to be blamed on him. He's followed closely by Conrad who is horrified by the sight of Victoria like this. He whisks her home claiming that she had been held ransom all this time and that's why he has used everyone's trust funds. Daniel is shocked and Victoria tells Charlotte that this has to be kept hush-hush. I would say that was a bit obvious but this is the girl who, wanting to be released from rehab, said that people were conspiring against her. She's clearly not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and clearly neither is her ex, Declan.
The mysterious youth from the earlier scene shows u, asking if he can store something for him. Clearly Declan has not read the pamphlet you get when you get your passport renewed that says "don't store shit for other people". The item is an expensive bracelet, and he will get $500 to watch it and is informed "that there is plenty more where that came from". In the words of Admiral Ackbar: "it's a trap!!''

Meanwhile at chez Grayson, Emily shows up to find out how in the fuck her plans got so messed up. As she is leaving, though, she gets a call from white haired man who spotted the clam camera (seriously, this guy saw a clam and was like "camera!!" and that is why he is a hit man and I am a teacher. Not that hit man is a great calling. What am I talking about?) Anyway, he tells Emily that she has what he wants and she is all "every frame, bitch".

Emily returns home and tells Nolan to get out and that Amanda is having Jack's baby even though she told her otherwise. White haired man shows up and tells Emily that he knew her mother. Apparently, Victoria visited Emily's mother in the mental hospital and after some friendly exchanges of 'you whore' and so on, Victoria informed her that her husband was about to be arrested and she should go with the kindly white haired man. White haired man tells Emily that "he doesn't always do what he's told" ie: her mother could still be alive but she'll never find out because he tries to kill her! Just when I thought he had forgotten about the axing incident. However, she is saved by the mysterious man we saw talking with her mentor in the last episode.

Wow, this episode was packed and I have a million questions! Were Victoria and Conrad working together all along? If not why did he look so surprised? When is Daniel going to get a brain? What's Charlotte's angle  and is Nolan actually going to have sex with a woman??