After a busy weekend at work, lots of Shakespeare and a great staff party I'm happy to be reunited with the internet. Time to catch up with the blogs and Once Upon a Time. Hiyooo, this show's moral compass cracked, I don't even know where to begin. The main principle of this show seems to be that it doesn't matter who you hurt as long as you want to do it and are one of the protagonists. If you're an antagonist and hurt someone, then, well you're fucked, otherwise, go for it! In Storybrooke, Sidney Glass has been fired from his job at the newspaper and wants revenge. He asks Emma to help him uncover some dirt on the Mayor. Emma is mad because Henry's play house (which was apparently a secret, although SINCE IT WAS RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN I think the characters of Storybrooke need to work on their secret keeping abilities) has been destroyed by the Mayor because she thinks it's too dangerous.Meanwhile Mary Margaret and David/Charming are secretly boinking away. I can't even. Mary Margaret is still dressing like a nun and argh, just argh. Also check out the phone she has:
Who has that phone???Is it 1995? Anyway, off in the semi-racist fairy tale land we learn of Sidney's humble beginnings. Since he is the only vaguely non-white character, he comes from "far off lands", complete with harem pants.
"Oh look here I am, just picking these flowers because I'm Snow White. P.S.Guard your husbands!"
I think we can imagine where this is going. Regina sees the genie/Sidney an starts getting all kind of ideas. Whether they are of the sex-having type or, I-will-use-you-for-nefarious-purposes type, we don't know. Meanwhile the king holds a birthday party for himself where he makes a speech about how he doesn't need presents because he has such an awesome daughter, who is as beautiful and perfect in every way as her mother, while the Regina watches. Duuuude. No, just no. I mean, you have to question the smarts of someone who basically talks smack about his wife in front of all his guests. Regina is justifiably mad.
Off in Storybrooke, Sidney and Emma discover that they Mayor is siphoning funds to build....a spaceship! In the woods! With Mr. Gold! They call her out at a town meeting where she is all: "yeah it is a spaceship, a play spaceship! For all the children of Storybrooke! All 2 of them!". Mayor 1, Emma 0. The only slight problem with this is, isn't $50, 000 a bit much for a play structure? The citizens of Storybrooke do not think so.
Apparently the King isn't the only idiot running around in Fairy tale land because Regina promptly goes and writes in her diary (who thinks it's hilarious that the Queen has a diary?)that she likes someone else and then LEAVES THE DIARY WHERE THE KING CAN FIND IT. The King does find out (note to kings: don't read wife's diary) and then tells the Genie that even though he (the King) doesn't really love his wife he doesn't want her running off so he (the Genie) is to find out who the other man. For a 'good' king he sure is a huge douchebag. Clearly Snow White got her sense of compassion from this guy. The King locks up the Queen who, in a fit of depression, gets her dad to send some super-poisonous snakes delivered so she can kill herself. As if! Who really believe this Queen was going to kill herself? The Genie/Sidney does, that's who. He tells her he has a better plan, they will use the snakes to kill the King! Apparently Genie/Sidney is a parseltongue and sets the snakes on the King while he is sleeping, and then confesses everything. He rushes back to make sweet love to the Queen who is like, er, isn't it convenient that these snakes come from your home, the 'far off' lands and now you are being framed for this crime? Except, not so much framed, since you actually did kill him? Then the Regina we know and love (or not) appears and tells Sidney that she doesn't love him she just wanted the Kingdom. He wishes that they could be together forever and ends up in her mirror. (Note to self: never make wishes). Er, what? Has Regina not been going on for the last 10 episodes about how all the love in her life has been taken away from her? If not Sidney and not the King and not her Dad, who she killed anyway, than what in the name of prime time television is she talking about???
Back in Storybrooke we learn that Sidney has been on Team Mayor all along and their evil plan was to make Emma trust him so they can...spy on her or something. Mysterious stranger, Ben Mercer, I mean the guy who mysteriously showed up a few weeks ago, meanwhile procures the Once Upon A Time storybook.
Dear writers, more mysterious stranger please, because A.) Yum! and B.) I totally forgot about him since he didn't appear until the last 30 seconds. WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO WITH THE BOOK? Read it to himself at night? Hatch an evil plan? Go all smoke monster on Storybrooke? WHO CAN KNOW?
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