Just Around the River Bend

Recently I saw a "friend" on facebook post a link to her blog. I decided to check it out. I wish I hadn't, she was in her early thirties and saying how her life was over, she would never get married, she had the most depressing job ever. Yikes, I thought, this is, as Pocahontas would say, just around the river bend for me and there is no friendly raccoon to accompany me to this horrid locale called THIRTY. The problem is, sometimes I fear I am already there. It's not that I am concerned about being unwed or having a job I hate (change jobs!) My fear is thinking my life is over at thirty, something I don't currently think. This is a uniquely North American fear. Whenever I talk to my European friends these kinds of issues raise eyebrows and comments of "you would never hear that in Europe". etc but I've heard more than one American friend in recent months complain that being thirty is "over the hill", that their life is over now that they are thirty, this was their last chance, they may as well give up now. Until recent months I had never thought that thirty was the end of my life. Another event which compounded this fear was a conversation with my co-workers. Being a  server is weird, people are always looking down on you because you bring them their drinks but they also don't want to appear cheap so when you go home at the end of the day with your sizeable stack of cash, it's you who's laughing. My co-workers and I were apprehensively discussing future careers but all came to the conclusion that we would make more money waitressing. There is certainly something unnerving about launching yourself into a world where you will make less with a career than you will waiting tables 4 nights a week.

On one hand I understand the misgivings of the 'thirty and life is overers' , here you just can't go aimlessly through life, you must have a purpose or at least a pretend purpose for when you go out with your friends. You must always being doing lots of things, being the most interesting. Lately I've been having that crisis too. All my life I have been considered smart and interesting and pretty but suddenly I find myself plotting daily ways to be more intriguing. The problem is, I don't know what to do. I read interesting books and stay on top of current affairs, I have good taste in television and fashion, I have loads of interests, have travelled a lot, speak other languages and have an education but but..why isn't this enough? Do I need a new Macbook and to start practicing wedding photography like 50% of  my facebook friends? Do I need some unique hobby or to be skinnier? I'm honestly at a loss. I know that this fear will pass because I am already interesting and I'm young and I'll still be young at thirty and there is no reason for me not to enjoy life.  I don't write this because I really fear that I am going to waste away but because it's a fear I see all around me, even within me and don't particularily like.

I feel like writing something about how society displaces people and how we have such high standards that no one can live up to. But maybe it's not about society  but about our personal choices. A few years ago I had something of a magazine addiction. What is it about magazines with their glossy pages and promises to fix your life that is so appealing? Then I moved abroad and the American magazines which I liked so much weren't readily available. I slowly found my attitude towards myself changing. Magazines are full of articles about having more things, being more beautiful, being better in bed and maintaining a high profile career. Uff. When I stopped reading them, I stopped caring and started enjoying my life more. Society doesn't need to dictate our happiness if we don't let it.