Once Upon A Time-Episode 3 Recap

Monday, 07 November 2011

Okay, everyone, gird your loins! We find ourselves again in Sherwood forest or the woods or whatever, where Prince Charming is riding along in his carriage with some blond woman. She is clearly talking about Kim Kardashian's divorce or something as thrilling because Prince Charming is looking out the window like he is bored out of his (metaphorical) tree, and fiddling with his jewels (eww, not like that!), which I fully believed were his diary until...They are stopped by an (actual) tree in the path. Blonde woman is like "oooh hell no, not another tree" which seems a bit ridiculous since they are in a WOOD. Anyway, Prince Charming leaps out and discovers that "alors! this tree has not fallen but been placed here!" Just as some boots land on top of their carriage. Again, I fully thought it was a werewolf and was getting all excited, but no, it is just Snow White dressed up in her Robin Hood gear and out robbing the forest. She makes off with the jewels, Prince Charming captures her, is befuddled by her woman-ness and she gets away. Next thing you know we are back in Storybrooke where everyone is still fascinated by the moving clock. Slow news day. Henry convinces Emma to convince Mary Margaret (Snow White-who clearly everyone thinks is 80 because her name is Mary Margaret and she dresses like a dowdy grandma) to go read to John Doe/Prince Charming who is in a coma in the hospital. She agrees and while she is reading the world's longest fairy tale to him he grabs her hand. She gets the doctor who tells her she is imagining it, because of course he does. Then he calls up the Witch/Mayor who decides to hatch an evil plot. Methinks that she remembers that she was, in fact, a villain, all though she is doing a craptacular job of it. Next thing you know Snow White is being chased by Prince Charming who wants his plot points jewels back because he needs to get engaged to save his kingdom or something. Of course, they fall in love while they go to get the jewels back from some bad CGI trolls. The trolls don't really seem to pose any threat at all, and neither do the Queen's henchmen, who they, obviously, encounter. The Queen's henchmen have hilarious amounts of eyeliner and weird dreadlock thingies that look like they have black pom poms glued to their helmets. Argh. I really wish that I had, at any point felt like "WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!" That's what I really want from this show and it just doesn't seem to be happening. Back in Storybrooke, John Doe escapes into the wood which has a convenient exit from his hospital room. Margaret chases him down and they rescue him and then the witch/mayor shows up with the newly found...wife? of John Doe. Emma tries to get all up in the Mayor's business, saying "don't you think it's mysterious that she just shows up now? After years of her husband being missing??" Oh, Emma, if only there was anything actually mysterious about this show. The Witch/Mayor uses this opportunity to tell Emma that it's really crappy not to have anyone in life which prompts her (Emma) to go befriend Mary Margaret. First of all, the Mayor is supposed to be the bad guy and bad guys do bad things not teach important lessons and secondly, the Mayor is the most ineffectual bad guy ever. She threatens Emma, saying that she will keep her son away from her (Emma) but then takes him home and leaves him there ALONE. Has she never heard of locking people in the dungeon? Or getting a babysitter? Anything? One of the things I liked about LOST (and I'll concede, maybe it's not fair to compare this to LOST)was the blending of fantasy and reality, something that is utterly lacking in Once Upon A Time. The fairy tale scenes seem like The OC with trolls and the Storybrooke scenes feel contrived. I wish I could muster up an ounce of hatred for the villains or sympathy for the protagonists but I don't really care. However, I still have hope for this show, we are only 3 Episodes and the premise is good so I am holding out hope.

Picture From ShareTV.Org