Proving that bad hair, ill advised parenting. plot holes and blithe rationalisations still rule
Once Upon A Time we find ourselves in Fairy Tale land where Baelfire is playing fairy tale soccer when he has a small run in with a local cart driver. Bael scrapes his knee but any other parent would dust their kid off and carry on. Not Rumplestiltskin, though. He turns the unwitting cart driver into a slug and then steps on him. Over protective much? Back in Storybrooke, team August and Henry are about to put the next part of their plan into action, which is more or less that adorable Henry heads into Mr. Gold's shop looking for a gift for Mary Margaret, while August breaks into the office and snoops around. Personally I would have gone to Hallmark for Mary Margaret but whatever. Mayor Regina storms in and confronts Gold saying that clearly, she meant that Kathryn should die, not be recovered a few weeks later in a parking lot. Mr. Gold says that since Kathryn was only meant to disappear he held up his end of the bargain, and besides, he has his own agenda now. Regina decides that the only place this could lead is back to her, since she is the villain and all, but, not to worry everybody, she has a plan. Meanwhile, Kathryn is recovering in the hospital when David comes in to kiss her on the forehead (his words).Kathryn wakes up and tells him that, upon further consideration she has decided his cheating and overall horribleness is no big since their relationship was obviously over before that. Well I guess that's solved then. I do not know who is more ridiculous here, the
Once Upon a Time writers, or Kathryn. David's response? That Kathryn is "kind of amazing". That's right everyone, people who let their partners cheat on them ARE kind of amazing. Since he has been released from his marital duties he heads off to visit Mary Margaret at her "welcome back/thanks for not killing anyone" party. Unfortunately he is intercepted by Emma and, it must be said, her magnificent hair, who sends him off with Henry. When the party is over and Mary Margaret is walking home David sneaks out from around the corner and wants to make nice. She gives him a big speech about how she will never forget being betrayed by the one person who she thought would always be there for her. Um....no offense to Mary Margaret but this is a man who previously promised to 'always be there' for someone who he is now cheating on on a regular basis. David is like, 'but I love you' and Mary Margaret gives him her patented dowdy-Grandma-in-love look, starts tearing up and leaves. Back in Fairy Tale land Baelfire (ugh, what a horrible name!) is suggesting to his dad that maybe killing everyone is not the best use of the magic. Despite his bouffant, I have to agree with Baelfire. Rumplestiltskin is all, 'yeah, but I stopped the Ogre wars'. Be that as it may, Rumple, perhaps saving the population and then killing them yourself is maybe not the best parental example. Speaking of bad parental examples, he takes Baelfire and their mute maid into the woods where he KILLS THE MAID, but not before promising that if Bael finds a way for him to change back into normal Rumple, he will do it. They shake on it, which means it's a done deal, although I feel like maybe killing a mute maid is sort of a deal breaker? Maybe? Anyway, in Storybrooke, everyone now has an idea who the mysterious August is, at least Mr. Gold does. After paying a visit to the nuns he threatens to raise their rent but then learns that August is looking for his father after a painful separation. He kills maids
and threatens nuns? Mr.Gold/Rumple is getting quite villainous. Anyway, Mr. Gold's wheel start turning, maybe August is Baelfire! He goes to talk to Jiminy and after a weeping conversation and more talk about the rent, we are all convinced that August and Bael are one and the same. Back in Fairy tale land, Bael calls on the the
boob blue fairy who hands over a magic bean, the only way to save them both. They will be transported to a land with no magic and be able to live happily ever after as father and son. Rumplestiltskin and Bael walk in the forest where the magic bean does not make a beanstalk but makes a green tornado instead. Bael tries to hop in but Rumple is all "noooo....I like being magical". I mean, despite his poor use of the magic I can understand why it might be difficult to give up. There certainly are a lot of people that I would like to turn into slugs! Bael calls Rumple a coward and gets a few other digs in, before he disappears. After seeing his son is really gone, Rumple starts rooting around in the dirt and calls on the Blue Fairy himself. She is not impressed and tells him there is no way for him to find his son, except for dark magic, a dark curse, something that will require
Regina to kill her father a great sacrifice. Rumple tries to stab the fairy but she zooms off, just in time. Meanwhile, in Storybrooke, August and Gold have a tearful reunion. Gold, unwisely, shows August that he has hidden the knife (so that's why he was gardening in the forest!) and August immediately tries to control him with it. Gold is all "bitch please, also you are not my son". August tells him that he doesn't care what happens to him since he was about to die anyway. Meanwhile, at the Sheriff station Regina tells Emma she has a confession. What, Regina is about to confess? Nope, it's her obedient slave, Sidney. Fortunately, Emma's lie detector is back up and she doesn't believe a word of Sidney's bull shit, she confronts the Mayor and says she is taking her son back! Despite the legality problems this presents, I grudgingly have to agree with Emma. The Mayor's evilness is starting to get on everyone's nerves.
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