"Maybe You Just Imagined It"

Recently I was talking with a friend about some thing that had happened when I was much younger, some things which were very difficult for me to go through. I was hurting and extremely upset, which was why when he responded  with "maybe you just imagined it" I was outraged. Well, yes, I mean, now that you mention it, I did just imagine it! Thank you, Sir for helping me realise that. It seems ludicrous to me that anyone would respond that way and yet isn't that a response that women get a lot? I think we do. My frustration began a few years ago with 'the beer incident' which I know I have written about before. I was talking with a co-worker about different types of beer. I mentioned that I preferred, we'll call it, brand x, to which he replied: "actually brand y is better'. I said, with some irritation, that I actually preferred brand x. It's just beer, I know that but what annoyed me was that he seemed to feel like he was doing me a favour by telling me about this better beer, rather than assuming I knew what I was talking about. After all, it was my opinion, which I should know.

In more recent times ( a few months ago) a friend of mine, a political science student, made a post on facebook which I disagreed with. It had to do with Aboriginal Canadians and since my brother and sister are Aboriginal I feel quite strongly about this topic. Specifically because I've seen how the good intentions of the people who've tried to help them, even when they didn't need it, have gone wrong. I left a comment stating my opinion on the post and was immediately lambasted by the poster and a friend of his who helpfully offered to show me how "Aboriginal people really live".  A few months later he made a similar post, which I also commented on. I like a debate and was hoping to get a reasonable one from someone who studies politics and as such, must be able to debate. I was shocked when the answer I got was a sarcastic "well, Steph, we can't all be as cool as you, you're so well traveled". Feeling bad I apologized but immediately after hitting send I started regretting it. I am well traveled and I have done it all on the back of my own hard work. Am I not allowed to talk about my life because it offends people? Why would they be offended by my travels anyway? Should I stay home and get married and have some babies? What's more, would he have answered differently if it had been a guy posting? I know I've seemed more and more like an embittered feminist but the truth is it's these kinds of things that push me in that direction. I've made my own choices and I have my own opinion but I feel increasingly like I can't talk about my life if there's a guy resent. I mean, either they are going to think that I have just invented my experiences or just be comletely dismissive of them. Are those really the options?

Rant on Breaking Dawn

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

So, people who know me know of the distaste I have for Breaking Dawn, the final installment in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. Look, the first three books were a ridiculous cheese fest, made worse by the terrible movies they were made into, but they were innocent enough and for the most part inoffensive, and I'll confess, I more or less enjoyed them. Breaking Dawn on the other hand takes all the misguided morals of the first three books and turns them into a preachy and gory onslaught. Throughout the first three books Edward is a controlling and manipulative boyfriend and Bella faints at the mere sight of, well, anything un-ladylike, and basically demonstrates that women are more or less incapable of taking care of themselves in any way, shape or form. I have a problem with this message but worse is the fact that Bella is some kind of lady vixen who just wants to sex up Edward, who nobly denies her until they are married. That is, the abstinence message is not necessarily bad in itself but the idea of men as the guards of women's virtue, that men need to protect women from their own sexuality, is not only ridiculously outdated but offensive on every level. Then Breaking Dawn comes along and Bella is finally well and punished for her rampant sexuality. She gets a lovely wedding but having sex with Edward leaves her bruised and battered and worse, pregnant with a baby that quickly begins to destroy her. Yikes. Suddenly things take a turn in the opposite direction though. After a veritable gore fest, Bella has a baby and turns into a vampire! Finally, she gets what she wants, but wait, she has a kid now and she doesn't get to do what she wants because she is busy raising a baby right? Nope! Edward's family gladly takes care of the child while Bella and Edward boink like bunny rabbits. I know that it is just a book but I find all of these things to be ridiculously offensive. It's not the 1700's anymore. I mean, on one hand, the message that unprotected sex (even though they're married, it's okay) will only lead to a baby, either as punishment or because that is the only thing sex is for, is, well I don't think I need to outline the problems in that thinking. But worse, once they have the baby all responsibility gets shifted to the parents. Bella is a spoiled brat who thinks she is better than everyone and even after having a baby she isn't inconvenienced with the burden of caring for her. Uff. The next problem I have with Breaking Dawn is Meyer's handling of the love triangle between Jacob, Bella, and Edward. Frankly, I was never really into this love triangle, it just seemed mean. Bella strings Jacob along for a couple of books at least before finally marrying Edward. And does Jacob tell her to fuck off? No, he loiters around, whining and pining until he finally "imprints" on their daughter. I'm not even going to comment on this because it is a.) lazy writing and b.) gross. And, does anyone think that the whole plot point of the werewolves is a bit, well, racist? The werewolves are Native American, and they are temperamental and moody, fighting amongst themselves, and almost always wrong. Occasionally they come around to aid the white people but ultimately they lose in the Twilight Saga because Jacob doesn't get the girl. Furthermore Bella doesn't just marry a white guy, she marries the whitest guy around and Jacob becomes her son-in-law, a sort of secondary position.

On one hand, part of me feels like, okay, a lot of people like these books and they are just books, but on the other hand I think writers do have to be conscious of the messages, even unintended ones that they are putting out there and as consumers we have to be able to critique what we are reading and watching. What do you think? Is Twilight sexist/racist?

Rant on Non-Sensical Lyrics

Monday, 31 October 2011


Happy Halloween (costume pictures tomorrow!) 


I love non sensical lyrics as much as the next person. I was listening to music on Saturday afternoon and I was reminded of a favourite song of mine. The guitars in this song are incredible and I love the Wave Pictures' lyrics as they only make 'sense' about ten percent of the time. 

Susan Rode The Cyclone-The Wave Pictures

But there is a song that has been annoying me at work for days now. I feel bad criticizing such a pretty and inoffensive star as Demi Lovato but this song drives me crazy.  Let's have a listen. OK, I'm not talking about this song musically as, this is what Disney Stars make so that is neither here nor there.

The lyrics to this song, though, are a fine example of writing that irritates the crap out of me. 

All my windows, still are broken

But I'm standing on my feet

Ok. Even if your windows ARE broken what does that have to do with anything? Are they a metaphor for your heart, in which case, do you have more than one? And you are standing on your feet? As opposed to...standing on your arse??

Now let's look at the chorus:

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper!

Argh.  I love cheese as much as the next person but--you can break me like I am made of paper? I don't really know if you can break paper. And if you are torn down are you really still a skyscraper?

Like a skyscraper!

"Somedays I Just Hate Everyone" A Lesson From Serving

I've been working as a server for almost six years now and I've thought often during that time that I hate people, a sentiment I've heard from my coworkers as well. Girls at work have said to me: "I'm just not cut out for this, I'm too sensitive." "If you only knew the things I think you'd think I was a terrible person." "Kissing ass is just so tiring, when I get home I'm exhausted". I'm constantly amazed by people. The business men that ignore me when I ask them if they want coffee or ask how they'd like to pay. The old man who loudly stated that he wanted to sit where there were only white people. I especially like customers who repeat themselves over and over again as if I were a particularly stupid child.
Sample Conversation:

Customer: Are the potatoes real?
Me: Yes.
Customer: They're not fake? (side note: what are fake potatoes anyway? and what restaurant would use those?)
Me: No
Customer: They're REAL potatoes.
Me: Yes
Customer: Are you sure?
Me:.....

Sometimes I watch movies where some rich people boss around and are generally rude to their servants or just simply have them and the servants are always so polite, they never run back into the kitchen with steam coming out of their ears, break ten bowls, curse out their bosses and then eat a whole pie. (Which I'm not saying I do, but well, yes actually) I think to myself, why can't I be more like that? Why can't I just be nice to the crazy rich people?  Why can't I just be a happy servant?
The answer is because I'm not a servant, I work in a reasonably well paying job where I've put myself through school and traveled and done a lot of other things as well. I'm not these people's servants and I don't want to be one. I don't come into their workplaces and throw temper tantrums. I don't insult people and I frankly think it's kind of horrible that being prepared to be insulted daily is part of serving.

I was listening to a lecture on Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing and the lecturer pointed out that in some ways, the rules of society haven't changed much since Shakespeare's time. Perhaps before I started my lucrative serving career I would have disagreed but now I just can't. We have televisions now but people are just the same as 500 years ago. I think part of what annoys me is that we all pretend, at least here in Canada, that we aren't part of a class system, that we are equal. But we aren't. The people, or some of them at least I have to serve clearly, indubitably believe that they are superior to me. I don't buy it but they do. The other thing is that we are all wrapped up in a constant show of politeness and customer service which at times seems ridiculous. Why is the customer right if they are lying, stealing or being rude? Because we have a social more that says that if you are a customer you have the right to act however you please and we all just have to quit whining and serve you anyway. I often hear people complaining about the service they get in European restaurants but I love the, at times, rude waiters and leisurely pace. As a customer, if I go to a restaurant I want to relax and enjoy my meal. And as a server I don't want to be polite to people who aren't polite to me. It seems like a great deal to me.